What Changed My Life

December 31, 2014

The beautiful honest truth 

A couple of months have passed since we’ve actively posted anything on our newsletters and blogs. Truthfully, I was not prepared to explain my absence yet again. Physically, mentally, and spiritually I felt myself breaking inside, so I had to stop and observe what was repetitively happening within me. I considered writing a positive spin on Lotus making a comeback, but I’ve decided to be transparently honest with you. I am very grateful to tell you now that this last hiatus has changed me... permanently. I’m sharing my story because I hope it inspires a change for you as well in the coming new year.

As above, so below

I want to pretend I’ve got it altogether, but I don’t. I want pretend that I’m not afraid of failing, but I am. It is so easy to get caught up in chasing material things and money or whatever else that’s external as attainment for happiness and success. Of course I want these things and I’ve been relentlessly chasing them too. Not enough time, money, or resources are the usual culprits of killing any dream or path to happiness. But I’ve witnessed others who had it all, and yet they lived miserable lives. I wanted to believe these external limitations were the reasons for my shortcomings, but I knew deep down they were not the root of my own suffering. I was aching somewhere else and that pain kept gnawing at me, until finally I fell into a deep immobile sadness. There was an emptiness I felt, and the search for my own salvation forced me to stop everything, including growing Lotus. Guilt, shame, stress, pity, exhaustion - you name it, I felt it. It numbed me to the point of isolation. Here I was, a girl who had BIG dreams of changing the world, yet I was unable of changing myself.

In one of our team meetings during the summer, it dawned on us that the purpose of Lotus’s existence was not simply for fashion. We wanted to exist beyond the product and fulfill something deeper. We wanted Lotus to inspire true beauty from within. We got so excited about this vision. This was our ‘Why’, our purpose, our mission. It became apparent to me that Lotus wasn’t just a denim brand to commodify; it was a way of life, an approach to living which we all had to stand by. We talk so much about inner beauty, liberation, and self-love, yet I myself was lacking these qualities. Where was my balance? How could we be preaching this to others if we were not living examples of it?


The void I felt came from a lack of faith in my own divinity. The fact that we are quicker to judge or condemn ourselves than we are to honor ourselves means there's a huge disconnect in our culture with respect to self-knowledge. Waiting around for proof of faith or an answer outside of myself led me nowhere. It took me this long to realize that faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof. For the past few weeks now, my team and I have been on a journey to liberate ourselves from conditioned expectations and focusing on building something substantial for our community. As we enter the new year, we are committed to changing ourselves from within. Before we can talk about that change, we are going to live it. Get ready for an exciting 2015. It’s going to be a bumpy and fun ride for us all.

Happy New Year and let's get bold



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